Written by Igor Biscanator
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Wednesday, 9 July 2008

image for O'Neill to Branch Out
The "Teflon Martin" range coming soon

Martin O'Neill announced today that he is to branch out in the world of business. He is of course not the first within sport to do this, George Foreman endorses a ranger of cookers, Ronaldo models for his lingerie line and tennis stars the Williams brothers have their very own fashion chain.

Martin, however, seems to believe that there is a gap in the cooking utensils market. Pans are to be the main focus of his range with particular focus on the specially developed teflon covering on them.

Teflon Martin is to be the product's name, Mr O'Neill informs Phil McNulty as he sits disturbingly close to the effervescent Irishman.

He explains that this is a special kind of teflon that can be applied to everyday life. "I often use it when negotiating transfers, no matter how unreasonable I am I come out smelling of roses!"

It does seem like fantastic stuff and McNulty is all too keen on writing his next review on it.

One stumbling block does appear to be the price of the equipment, with the Teflon Martin range 20% more expensive than rivals of comparable quality. There was an auction held and they didn't sell as well as expect, with one problem being when a bidder met the asking price the asking price was hiked up by a further 15%.

Martin leapt to the defence of the marketing by saying "This is how its done isn't it? All my supporters seems to think this is ok." Phil nodded in agreement adding. "Yes sir, Mr O'Neill Sir, perfectly fair sir".

It is rumoured that O'Neill, depending on the success of this, is looking to back the GB swimming team with his teflon swimwear. He was quoted "If they can slip through the water as easily as I can slip through tricky press interviews saying whatever I like and getting away with it they wont even need swimming lessons to win gold."

The range is expected to be out in August

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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