Written by matwil
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Thursday, 3 July 2008

image for English commentators become British for one day
Steve Ryder looks up 'British' in an English dictionary

During the recent Andy Murray/Rafael Nadal match, all the BBC's English tennis commentators suddenly became British for one day.

Normally they are English, and talk endlessly about their English sports men and women during events, such as losing World Cup qualifying matches, and of course Tim Henman losing at Wimbledon. But with Scotsman Andy Murray playing, and of course losing, they had no choice but to become British.

Speaking smugly from London, Steve Ryder said: 'Yes, it was hard, Ok, we've done this before at the Olympics, but this match needed endless jingoistic comments. Trying not to mention England, or saying Andy was somehow English, took a lot of bottle.'

And fellow commentator Sue Barker said: 'It was certainly a gruelling day, not only being British, but also not making any jokes about Spain, wow I'm worn out.'

But Andy Murray himself had this to say: 'Listen, I was so bad and over-hyped, I felt like I was English anyway, maybe I should change my name to 'Tim'.' But I'm NOT British, ah'm Scottish, annut'll be ootside for a square go if you call us British again, pal!'

As England has run out of sports heroes, BBC commentators may need to use the 'B' word more often in the future, but of course there's always the Premership to fall back on, where hardly a single Englishman plays, and all the decent managers are foreigners, but it's somehow the glorious 'English' league.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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