Wimbledon - (Balls Up Mess): "Strewth, everybody knows that weedy, gormless, desperate, red-haired little git is Gorgon Brown's bastard, that's why!"
This was the semi-official explanation at BBC Sport today following viewer complaints that Number 12 seed Andy Murray has upset world top-ranking players by being rostered 'on orders from above' to play all his matches on center court at UK prime time.
The game's giants like Nadal, Federer, Hewitt, etc have all been unceremoniously shunted off to lesser courts to pitch their luck despite the game's traditions that Grand Slam winners take precedence over "desperate Henman-like wannabes."
The closest Murray, 21, has ever got to being a Grand Slam winner was his fourth round defeat in the Australian Open in 2007 where his true mediocrity shone brightly for all the world to see for themselves.
Undaunted by this track record the head of BBC Outside Broadcasting/Sport was said to be deeply shocked at the volley of irate complaints from UK TV licence payers.
Calls of "blatant effing sucking up to Murray's Pa, Gorgon Brown" have been dismissed as uncharitable.
"The entire country loves this amazing, incredibly talented Scottish newcomer," a BBC Sport source claimed today.
"Mark my words. The game's supergiants like Pete Sampras, Bjorn Borg, John McEnroe, Boris Becker and Roger Federer will seem like minnows by comparison one day."