The USA will later this year suddenly win the European Championships, months after Germany do.
The announcement was made from Washington DC, by President Georgie Porgie Bess. 'Yep, just cos a few of us will turn up for the final game, then we'll say we won it! Woohoo, even schoolkids in Europe wouldn't believe that crap, not even I would! Pass me a pretzel, Laurel.'
This won't be the first time that Americans will claim to have won a championships, as they also claimed to have won the ones in England in 1966 and France in 1919, but as long as it's said enough on CNN then millions of Americans will believe it.
Veteran player and manager Franz Beckenbauer said: 'Hilarious stuff, next thing they'll learn how to play cricket and rugby without cheating! Ein volk, ein Reich, ein Fuhrer!' And former English player Sir Blobby Charlton added: 'Great comedy, not even Graham Taylor could be as bad as Georgie Porgie! Maybe the Yanks should make old turniphead their President!'
A Russian linesman was unavailable for comment, but a flypast by Spitfires and Lancaster bombers and Messerschmitt Bf 109s reminded the Americans who really won the championships.