In a surprise move, FIFA today announced that the 2010 World Cup would be held in Zimbabwe.
FIFA made the announcement at a quickly arranged press conference.
'The first round matches will be played on the plains, with lines quickly drawn to mark out the pitches. Any players killed or attacked by lions or elephants can be substituted, but only 5 players per team.'
Zimbabwe head coach, Robert von Mullaber, added: 'As host nation we automatically qualify, and other African teams we play will be thrown into jail and tortured at half time, if they happen to be beating us.'
Zimbabwe have now got the most expensive players in footballing history. Harare defender Nkomo Mmertone cost the club 334 billion Zimbabwean dollars, and their goalkeeper, Bruce Gobbler, gets 100 million dollars a week.
At the first round matches, snacks for spectators will include sandwiches at 30 million each, and glasses of contaminated water at 75 million. All matches will be refereed by Mr Mullaber, and random shootings at the crowd will keep them entertained if there are no goals.