Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 25 June 2008

image for Paul Ince Vows To Make Blackburn How It Should Be: Black
A bird at Ewood Park today

Paul Ince, the new Blackburn Rovers manager, today vowed to return the club to its successful, heady days of the early 90s when it won the Premiership title, also promising to bring in countless Black Players, to make Blackburn truly Black.

Ince is the first black manager to take charge of a top flight club, and he has already laid out his plans to highlight the future at Ewood Park by telling David Bentley, a white man, he can leave for pastures new, and white.

The ex-West Ham, Manchester United, Liverpool and Inter Milan player, and MK Dons boss, told journalists he hopes to make Blackburn totally black by 2010, and has made tentative enquiries for Hull City's Fraizer Campbell and Caleb Folan, as well as several other noteworthy players of colour.

Blackburn supporters recoiled in disbelief after hearing the news. One of them,, Ernest Ethelroyd, 96, of Rishton, said:

"Ebagum, Mugabe betternot bewonavum!"

Another staunch fan, Timmy Race, 4, of Darwen, said:

"Me dad sez he's abuwt to mayk all o' team Sambos. I'll nivver go agen, if so!"

Ince has an uphill battle on his hands if he is to convince Blackburn fans that his is the way forward, but he intends to give it his best shot. Speaking to a media circus, he said:

"Ar fink..ar mean...ar think...derfor...ar am. Black by name, Black by nature, innit?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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