Ronaldo, the Portuguese football star, is close to signing for New Labour, insiders claimed last night.
Manchester United have fought to keep him, but the riches Ronaldo could make in the House of Commons have won the day.
"We just can't compete," said Sir Alex Ferguson, the well known Scotsman.
Ronaldo is thought to have agreed terms, and is preparing to spend a great deal of time on the bench. He would be following in the footsteps of several other former footballers.
Peter Beardsley is currently Minister for Ugly people, whilst Paul Merson is Tory spokesman for booze, birds and bets.
Whichever position Ronaldo takes in his new side one thing is certain. His eyes will be fixed on the premiership and possible European glory.