Written by Clete Plow
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Monday, 17 May 2004

Kentucky Derby and Preakness winner Smarty Jones was arrested early Sunday morning outside a downtown Baltimore Night club and charged with public drunkenness, lewd behavior and resisting arrest. The three-year-old thoroughbred was spotted by officers urinating on the sidewalk outside of Larry Flynt's Hustler Club on Baltimore's notorious "Block" at around 2AM.

"When I approached him he was leaning against a wall pissing, well… like a racehorse, come to think of it" said Officer Malley O'Martin of the Baltimore City PD, "He was obviously intoxicated and took off like a shot when I got near him."

After a wild chase through the downtown streets Smarty Jones was finally apprehended as he tried to enter the ESPNZone Restaurant near the harbor.

Several others who had been enjoying the "Smarty Party" victory celebration including Baltimore Raven Ray Lewis, former Cincinnati Red Pete Rose, several Budweiser Clydesdales and alleged actress Pamela Anderson all visited the Police station to post Smarty's $10,000 bail.

Lewis claimed that he was "in the limo" and "Didn't see Smarty Jones do nothin', Man".

Rose commented, "The horse is crazy - I'll give you 3 to one odds he skips on that bail."

Pamela Anderson who has been romantically linked with Jones was reportedly overheard telling a waitress at the club - "Well, he's no Tommy Lee, of course, but he's a much better dancer."

After his release Smarty Jones, still a little tipsy, told reporters "Look - I'm 3 years old and I've earned over 7 million dollars already - In three more weeks I can retire and be a high paid stud for the rest of my life - woo hoo! The Smarty Party has just begun! Hey! - Any of you guys know where a horse can get a decent Cheese steak in this town?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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