Written by Fergus McCarthy

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Topics: Euro 2008

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

image for Euro 2008 cancelled by host nations
Davids Ballacks.

Euro 2008 has been sensationally cancelled only hours after the two host nations had suffered the ignominy of a first round exit in their respective groups.

In a press release released to the press through the media by a press secretary at a media briefing, Vernon Schnitzel of the Austrian FA announced just before midnight

"It is nearly midnight. At midnight I shall announce my announcement vis perfect annunciation."

After a nail biting seventy seconds Herr Schnitzel rose to his feet again and read a single page statement perfectly apart from a few obvious zee's and vee's.

"After consultation with police forces in both Austria and Switzerland we have decide to suspend the tournament until law and order is restored to the streets of our two countries and primarily the host cities.

"We have had reports of people dropping cigarette butts onto the ground and plastic beer glasses stacked on window sills in almost every city that plays host to visiting supporters.

"In Vienna yesterday evening 2 beer bottles were broken in 'Fritzl's' cellar bar in the city centre and and a pepper grinder was stolen from the 'Joy of sex' restaurant in Wankdorf stadium.

"We will not allow anarchy on our streets.

"All foreign nationals Visa's are cancelled with immediate effect and we would be grateful if you could fuck off home as quickly as possible.

"Except Herr Ballack.

"He stays."

Mr Schnitzel thanked assembled press for assembling, pointed to something in the corner of the room, shouted "Ach Dung! Got in Himmel unt Schwein hunt!" and then goose stepped from the room in impressive fashion.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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