Ascot, berks - (Snake-in-the-Grass Mess): A huge Carla Bruni-faced serpent crop circle has suddenly appeared in Royal Ascot's unsaddling enclosure prompting the immediate cancellation of next week's five day race meeting.
Serpentologists say the intricately etched phenomenon first showed up after a fly-past by a George W Bush military cargo plane carrying this weekend's presidential armoured cars.
"At first glance it looks like typical Predator Chapel Ranch rattlesnake," a snake venom expert from the National Poisons Unit said today, "indigenous to the Crawford, Texas Biblical incest belt famous for its snakeskin fashion accessories.
"But on closer inspection we think its a hybrid dead ringer for France's first lady Madame Bruni-Sarkozy."
"You can tell by the scaly forked tongue that she's gestating," Clerk of the Course Sir Oswald Mosley-Batshit commented, "I just hope she's viviparous and there won't be any goddam snake eggs buried under the seven furlong marker pole."
Officials are desperately trying to grass-over the affected areas once army mine detectors have swept all the two hundred acres concerned.
Prospects for reversing next week's cancellation are looking grim however.