Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 12 June 2008

image for Wayne Rooney Marries Pig
The bride, resplendent in pink and brown

Wayne Rooney, the Manchester United and England centre forward, has married his childhood sweetheart, a pig named Colly, in a ceremony at the 17th Century Villa Durazzo in the Italian town of Portofino, the mayor of that parish has confirmed.

Rooney, who has a free summer due to Steve McClaren, chose the same location as the one used by superstar singer Rod Stewart for his wedding last year, but some minor modifications have had to be made.

Newspaper was spread on the floor to protect the marble surface from the mud falling off the sow's trotters, and a trough was provided so that both families and their guests could enjoy a banquet of leftovers and swill.

Rooney and his bride are thought to have completed a deal with a swanky magazine for the reporting rights to the wedding, which, it is believed, is the first in Italy between a pig and a man that looks like one.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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