BBC chief Sir Basil Faulteigh has ordered his football commentators not to mention the war in tonight's Germany match.
'No mentions will be allowed, not even hints of mentions, nor even the slightest suggestion of what about 15 million British viewers will be joking about all evening.' And helping himself to an Eva Braun salad, he added: 'Anyway, if there were any mentions, it was the Germans who started it.'
But his German counterpart, Josef Gorbals, said :'We did not! We did not start it!' But Sir Basil quickly riposted: 'Yes you did, you invaded Poland!', to the laughter of millions of British, Polish, and other European viewers. Indeed, some fans were already merrily goose-stepping up and down their living rooms, with 2 fingers above their mouths, to warm up for tonight.
Naturally, the Labour government abhors such disgraceful behaviour. 'We abhor it', Prime Minister Gordon Brown said, then in an off-the-camera remark added: 'If the Polish win the match then they'd better not go home past the railway station, ha ha ha!'
Sir Winston Churchill is drinking a bottle of brandy, and doing his famous V sign across the Channel to his beloved Teutonic friends.