Written by matwil
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Sunday, 8 June 2008

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The new Man United strip

In a surprise move, UEFA today put Manchester United into the European Championships.

UEFA chief, Sepp Eichmann, made the announcement in the BBC commentary studio today. 'Not only will United be playing in the competition, they will be playing in many groups at the same time', he announced. 'This will give English commentators ample scope to assess the English champions in the next 2 weeks. And if they're not playing on a given day, we've instructed the BBC to mention them a few times anyway, during other matches.'

This directive is based on the '1966 Rule', where during almost every World Cup game English commentators will mention their victory against West Germany many times, and now UEFA have introduced the similar 'Man United Mention.'

In yesterday's Portugal/Turkey match, the words 'Manchester United' were said 8 times by a commentator, and 3 times by a guest, so this has set a high standard for the rest of the games.

John Motson, standing in a field with a flat cap, said: 'Well yes, Gary, indeed it will be a tough one after the opening games, I'm sure. Every time Ronaldo touched the ball I heard the 2 words - and I don't mean 'girl's blouse'!'

However, in tonight's Germany/Poland match UEFA have issued special orders to the BBC to apply both rules. 'Both Manchester United and 1966 must be mentioned at least 4 times in each half, or the studio will have a mysterious power cut.' Gary Lineker won the DFC with bar in World War 2.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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