Portugal are to be banned from the European Cup after it was revealed that they have been caught using performance enhancing steroids.
The revelation came to light following allegations made by the players themselves.
Cristiano Ronaldo claims that the players are fed BOLIK5, an illegal steroid, manufactured by the Soviets during the Cold War and primarily used as a truth serum but with a side affect of enhancing human physical levels to super human levels.
The Portuguese did indeed reach amazing physical levels but the truth serum properties of BOLIK5 meant they also had an overwhelming compulsion to confess to the authorities over their illegal activities.
The Portuguese Government have refused to comment. Perhaps a kick in the BOLIK5 will loosen their tongues.