Written by matwil
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Saturday, 7 June 2008

image for Diving Hall Of Fame To Be Set Up
Top quality dive, the ball nowhere near

Following endless diving incidents by overpaid stars such as Cristiano Ronaldo, an FA Diving Hall of Fame is to be set up. There are various qualifications for entry into the hall, though a surname ending in the letter 'o' is a probable pointer, and a committee has been formed to work out the rules.

FA chief, John Bland, said: 'Diving's not enough, it must be spectacular diving for at least a whole season, and not just in the penalty box. Knocking the ball ahead of a defender, and trying to outrun him but not quite beating him to it, then throwing yourself to the ground with the tiniest contact, for instance, is the sort of stuff we're looking for, as long as it's done every week.'

Already legendary divers, such as Ally McCoist and Kevin Keegan, and more recently Didier Drogba, are being considered, though some have suggested that McCoist simply fell over thousands of times rather than dived, and 'Super Ally' himself agreed. 'I was so fat, that was the only way I could get a penalty or a foul, OK it was more belly-flops than dives.'

However, the first induction into the new Hall of Fame will be an overseas entry - every player in Italian footballing history. That will be followed by every Manchester United and Celtic player in every Cup Final they've played in. The Stuka is 74 this month.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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