Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 7 June 2008

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Shoppers in Hamburg today

England fans, distraught at their team's inability to qualify for the Euro 2008 championships, have, in their thousands, declared their allegiance to the most obvious second choice team, Poland.

Immigrants from the Eastern European country now outnumber UK-born residents by nearly 2:1, and it's no surprise that Poland should be the UK's representative side in the Euros. The Poles are in the Group of War with Austria, Croatia, and England's old rivals, Germany.

With this in mind, 'normal' England fans have been trying to learn the Polish lingo, and pub landlords who will screen Poland's games, have encouraged anti-German sentiment by having bar staff wear Nazi uniforms, traditional dress in Germany.

Landlord of the Goose and Step in Leeds, Tomasz Libzwenska is so fond of Poles, he's adopted a Polish name. He said:

"We've been teaching the regulars how to abuse the Germans in Polish. It's coming along really well!"

And drinkers at a bar in central London, the Kristellnacht Bistro, told TheSpoof.com:

"Skurwiel Niemcy!", which is so rude, a translation cannot be printed here.

Andreas Zwizkskiwksi, who is from Poland, said:

"Doska siezchs tendo deckchairska!", which, in English, means:

"Vacate those deckchairs!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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