(Defecated News) Sports-lovers were on shock last night after the BBC, ITV, SKY and BNP joined forces to ban snooker from TV. The move would create an unusual scenario where only radio stations would be allowed to give live commentary.
After months of complaints from viewers and stupid PC shits, Head of World Snooker Game Things, Fred Balls, addressed a room full of press last night.
"Over the last few months", said Balls, "people have got upset over things that have been said. Things like 'now Steven needs to hold his shaft firmly for this', ' Ronnie likes to touch the brown', and 'Jimmy can't control his balls since his wife snapped his long, shiny shaft.'
Fans were very upset at the news, and last night, Steve Davis was spotted in a snooker hall with his wife. He was seen doing amongst other things, placing his fingers in the hole, rubbing his red balls, wiping his shaft dry after spilling his pint on it, and banging his missus with his cock.
Len Ganley refused to comment.