Written by matwil
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Friday, 30 May 2008

image for FIA To Take Over The Grand National
Horses running toward the first fence, it'll be single file after that

Formula One's ruling body, the FIA, today announced that it is taking over the running of the Grand National.

FIA Chief, Bernie Ecclestone, said: 'We will be organising the race next April, and will be introducing some new rules that have worked so well in Formula One. Horses will only be able to pass one another up to the first fence, after that they will go round and round the circuit in single file, as no overtaking will be allowed.

'Due to it now being eighty laps round Aintree, jockeys and horses can stop in a special 'pit lane', for refreshments, and here is the only other time horses can pass each other, by being fastest at eating hay and drinking water.

'Of course, with so many laps many horses will have to retire, so by the end of the race there may only be one or two still running, but that just adds to the excitement of the occasion.'

This is not the first time the FIA have take over another sport - for years they have run European Cup finals. Those once exciting matches are now even more exciting, as two teams cleverly play for extra time and then penalties for 120 minutes, without actually doing anything else, and the FIA was even considering making the whole event being decided on the flip of a coin, to really get a bigger worldwide audience.

Critics have suggested that Formula One 'racing' is about as competitive as waiting for a London bus in the rain, and twice as boring, but Mr. Ecclestone denied this. 'There is nothing more exciting than watching cars going round and round in circles without overtaking, and the same will be true with the Grand National.'

Red Rum will be entered in this week's Monte Carlo Grand Prix, but will need to be careful not to try and go faster than the cars.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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