Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 22 May 2008

image for Chelsea Sell Trophy Cabinet
The useless piece of furniture

Chelsea Football Club, who lost last night's Champions League Final to Manchester United on penalties, have ended the season without any success whatsoever, and have decided to sell their trophy cabinet.

The Blues lost an exciting penalty shoot-out 6-5 after captain John Terry slipped on his arse in a puddle, missing his chance to enter Chelsea folklore by winning the trophy for the club for the very first time. With that gaffe, went Chelsea's very last chance of winning anything this season.

Now, Russian owner of Chelsea and of the cabinet Roman Abramovich has said he will put the club's trophy cabinet up for sale on e-Bay. The structure, in mahogany, measures 6 feet tall by 5 feet across, and is thought to be at least 100 years old. Until recently, it was rarely used, and is described as 'pristine'. Bids are being taken over £15.

If you want this cabinet, and would like to bid for it, contact:

deadloss2008@ruskiclub.web stating your bid in Roubles.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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