Written by matwil
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Thursday, 22 May 2008

It was announced today that Manchester United striker, Cristian Ronaldo, will join the Portuguese Olympic diving team.

Ronaldo has been in training for nearly a year now, doing spectacular swallow dives all across England, and is now ready to join the Olympic team, who are flying to China later this month.

His manager, Sir Alex Ferguson, said: 'The boy's been doin' good, you know, he's got his skill at running for a few yards after a tackle, and then suddenly diving, down to perfection.'

And team mate, Wayne Rooney, said: 'If it wasn't for my huge beer belly and lack of fitness, I'd be diving for Britain.'

Professional African diver, Didier Drogba, has suggested that Ronaldo might not be good enough for international diving. 'He just hasn't got that I've-been-shot-by-a-sniper skill that I have, or that I've-had-a-massive-internal-haemorrhage-after-a-tap-on-the-ankle art, which is what is really needed. But I wish him well, and hope he learns how to roll around after a dive like a baby, something which I invented.'

But Ronaldo's fellow Portugese footballing star, Luis Figo, only had this to say about the Man United player: 'What a big girl's blouse.'

John Terry is seriously overrated.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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