Written by matwil
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Topics: Olympics

Wednesday, 21 May 2008

The People's Republic of China today announced that a new field event was to be included in the Olymic Games - the shooting of dissidents.

The Chinese Olympic team manager said: 'There will be medals for shooting dissidents with rifles, pistols and bows and arrows, with a special women's category, of shooting them with poison-tipped chop sticks. The distances to fire will be 50, 75 and 100 metres.'

There were instant complaints from Western countries, as nations such as the United States and Britain have no experience of this sport, but Germany and Lithuania jointly invented the sport in the 1930s, and looked forward to its inclusion in the Games.

German President, Angela Merkel, said: 'Yes, many here were the greatest dissident shooters in history, we're glad to see it included.' And Lithuania's manager added: 'Our women have traditionally been as talented as our men at this sport, we're confident of getting at least one gold medal.'

And an Olympic spokeswoman added: 'We are also considering a new event of stoning dissidents to death, but felt that that would be giving some Muslim countries an unfair advantage.'

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