Pundits across England were today calling the English FA Cup final the most exciting one in history.
Commentating legend, John Motson, aged 11, said: 'Well, David, this is certainly surprising. I spoke to Sir Alex Ferguson earlier, and he said it was very dull, as it didn't feature Manchester United.'
And fellow commentator, Trevor Boring, added: 'Mr. Bean is not a comedy, it is a serious and interesting analysis of footballing affairs, Mr. Bean would make an excellent reporter on Match of the Day. And - '
But trying to avoid going into a coma listening to Mr. Boring, ex-Chelsea manager and grammatical expert Jose San Marino said: 'I would have beaten Portsmouthton, it would have been my destiny, my immmortal fate, my my my Delilah.'
But fans were still talking in Estuary English about the game across southern England, well, across Hampshire.
One Pompeii fan, John Smith, said: 'Wow! I can hardly believe all the goalmouth incidents and exciting, attacking football. Oh, you mean the Cup Final? Yeah, it was all right, I suppose.' But Carcrash City fan, Dai Llewelyn, said: 'I'm just glad it wasn't like watching a training match in a park on a Tuesday night. We may have lost, but we put the zzz back into exziting.'
Gary Lineker is still asleep.