Written by Steve Tiger

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Saturday, 17 May 2008

image for Cristiano Ronaldo has brain operation to improve balance
Greek brain surgeon Andreas Theodorakis Papadopoulos

Cristiano Ronaldo has undergone a career saving operation on his skull. The pioneering treatment by renowned Greek brain surgeon Andreas Theodorakis Papadopoulos is to help keep the young upright.

Dogged by poor stability and balance since been signed for Manchester United in August 2003 the surgery involves drilling deep in to the aural cavity in the hope that the synocial fluid has more space to disperse.

Sir Alex Ferguson who has not left the bedside of Christiano for 8 weeks said "I don't know if it's going to work but we have to try. Cristiano doesn't enjoy being on the pitch nowadays, he can fall over so easily, even a small breeze is enough to send him tumbling

"He really hates been tackled as he knows he's going to end up on the ground, though it appears worse when he's nearer the goals. We thought it may be a stray magnetic field or lay lines, but we have even tried balsa wood goal posts and it makes no difference"

Papadopoulos has operated on a number of footballers including Wayne Rooney who was treated unsuccessfully for obesity and swearing.

Michael Owen has visited Greece a number of times for psychiatric treatment as he believes he's a professional footballer, and Didier Drogba is currently undergoing surgery to remove his greasy hair and monkey boy looks.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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