More than half a million Glasgow Rangers football fans have descended on Manchester for tonight's UEFA Cup Final, with many having come from places around the entire globe, and some even having travelled there by haggis!
The match against Zenit St Petersburg is Rangers' first European final since 1972, and staunch fans who haven't been to a game since then, have made every effort to get there for, what may be, their last final for another 30-odd years.
Spoof reporter Ted Winks met some of the Scottish supporters as they moped around Manchester city centre pubs yesterday, and discovered six fans who had travelled South by haggis. Through an interpretor, one fan, Jock McSporran, told him:
"Aye, we travelled fe' forty days an' forty nights on the back of thes Haggis, thru snow an' hail, an' weth great fortetude we fynallee arryved at thes fyne welcomin' tavern. God Bless ye, landlord!"
The haggis is a woolly quadraped that grows to the size of a donkey, and can usually be found roaming the glens around Loch Lomond, eating the heather and buttercups, until they are caught and slaughtered by rough-looking Highlanders eager to have a bite to eat for their supper. They are not normally used for transportation purposes, but many of the trains from Glasgow have been booked-up for weeks.
Scottish Rail manager Jock McTrack said:
"Aye! The trayns've bin foolly boooked fer weeks, so the' have!"