Written by matwil
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Friday, 9 May 2008

Yes, sports fans, and overtime-working policepeople, were rubbing their hands in delight across rainy England, as the news came through that Rangers were due for a visit to Macchester for the UEFA Cup final.

The Glasgow team, famous for its tolerance to the Roman Catholic faith and support of peace in Northern Ireland, are due to trash the city - or rather visit it - in a few weeks' time, and of course there will be no anti-English or anti-Catholic sentiment at the game.

A spokesman for the club, Billy Wright, from Londonderry, said absolutely nothing, put got paid a hundred quid for it, but a UEFA spokesmadame, speaking in a dodgy accent, said this: 'Where eez the train? Zee gravy train? Why you Scots hate eech other zo much? We will fine you again for eet.'

Manchester police are expecting about 2 million fanatical, violent, drunken Scots to arrive in Manchester, and after burning down Old Trafford and wrecking hundreds of pubs, and refighting the battle of Flodden, and losing it again, they will be a superb example to the world of the place that is called the Disunited Kingdom.

A spokesman for Rangers' rivals - every other team in Scotland - said: 'We wish those bluenoses would stay in England, they're an embarrassment to an otherwise decent and tolerant country. Can you lend us a fiver?'

Glenfiddich were unavailable for comment, as was Glenn Hoddle and Gerry Adams, but Pope Ratzinger XIII said: 'I hope Rangers veen, if it wasn't for those Scottish Proddies the Vatican would be broke.' John Knox is 452.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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