Written by ScottThe Dot
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Thursday, 8 May 2008

image for Dermot O'Neill hired by Chelsea to returf Stamford Bridge
Stamford Bridge

Chirpy Irish Horticultarist Dermot O' Neill has been commissioned by the club to carry out some work on the pitch ahead of their crucial clash with Bolton this Sunday.

"I want to put in some shtrockchurrs (sic) that will help break oop the munottony.' said the illiterate uphill gardener. 'Perhaps soom decking in froont of the Chelsea Goal might help wid de flow and maybe soom raised beds around de penalty spot will create a feechurr.' he continued, whilst performing a river dance and eating Lucky Charms.

Avram Grant is keen to point out that he in no way wishes to hinder Bolton and that his team doesn't cheat 'Apart from that diver Drogba' he said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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