Written by Patrick R
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Thursday, 8 May 2008

Derby County have been announced as Premiership Champions after all the nineteen teams above them in the division were revealed to have been involved in the largest match-fixing scandal since Juventus in Serie A two years ago.

Full details are yet to be revealed but it is thought that the Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich had agreed to pay £10m to every other team in the division apart from Derby who he dismissed as "too incompetant to pose a threat", in order to allow Chelsea to regain their title.

The plan had been that leaders Manchester United would deliberately lose at Wigans' JJB stadium on Saturday, relinquishing their title to the West London team.

As this news comes to light, officials appear to have decided that it would be impossible to relegate all the Premiership teams due to nineteen teams being far too many to punish so forcibly. Regardless, Chelsea will pay a hefty price with relegation down two categories straight into Coca-cola League One.

A spokesman from Derby County said "we are obviously delighted at this news, the operation had been carried out so effectively and believably that we would never have guessed such a scandal could have happened. Some people may say that we do not deserve this, but as the only honest team in the prestigious Premier League, I do not think that is debatable."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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