Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 6 May 2008

image for Gary Lineker Arrested After Kitchen Sink Thrown At Stoke v. Leicester Game
This is a bathroom sink, but you get the idea, don't you?

Gary Lineker, the BBC golf host and ex-Leicester City player, has been arrested at his home after an incident in Sunday's Stoke City/Leicester City game, when a kitchen sink was thrown onto the pitch.

Lineker, who is from Leicester and started his career with the Foxes, has remained a fan ever since, and was at the crucial Championship game at the Britannia Stadium. Leicester needed three points to be assured of safety in their fight against relegation, whilst Stoke needed at least a draw to be promoted to the Premier League.

The game was a rip-roaring affair, with plenty of goalmouth incident, and much fighting in the crowd, as is traditional for exciting derby matches. Leicester pressed hard and gave everything they had in an attempt to score the goal which would keep them up, to no avail.

With 10 minutes left, however, and the scores still locked at 0-0, there came the defining incident of the entire match when, with the Blues bombarding the Stoke goal, a kitchen sink was lobbed into the 18-yard box, and sat in the mud. Play was stopped whilst a team of groundsmen removed it, and police moved into the crowd. The match ended 0-0, and Leicester were relegated.

Subsequent enquiries resulted in this morning's arrest at Mr Lineker's home, where police found a big gap where the kitchen sink should be. The Match Of The Day host was carted off to a police station for interrogation by trained officers.

Stand-in MOTD host Ray Stubbs, who is a poor replacement for the affable Lineker, made a pathetic attempt at comedy when he chuckled:

"Normally I'd say that Leicester threw everything but the kitchen sink at Stoke, but in this case, I can't."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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