Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 8 May 2008

image for Chelsea Move For Duckworth
I hate pigeons, don't you?

Chelsea, who are known to be keen to offload their current manager Avram Grant, are planning to steal actor Jack Duckworth from under the noses of their not-so-fierce northern rivals Manchester City.

As reported in these pages just days ago, City's Thai owner Thaksin Shinawatra has told Sven Goran Erikkson his days at Eastlands are numbered, and the ex-Thai PM has spoken with Duckworth's agent about a multi-million pound deal that would see the pigeon fancier 'take the reins' in time for next season's fight against relegation.

Chelsea, though, are eager to replace the morose Grant, despite the fact that he has guided them to the Champions League Final and to the brink of the Premiership title.

Duckworth was today asked by reporters if he been officially approached by Stamford Bridge, and confirmed that he had. Said Jack:

"Y' know me. Ad've helpt 'em both out, but what wi City an' Vera droppin' dead an' me pigeons...well, av got me 'ands full, anta'?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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