Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 1 May 2008

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Avram Grant today

A survey amongst Chelsea fans after last night's 3-1 Champions League victory over Liverpool, has shown that a significant number of them regard Avram Grant as the best manager since Jose Mourinho

Grant, who is from Israel, and therefore Jewish, is automatically predisposed to be hated by the Stamford Bridge faithful, but has won over their hearts and minds with his fast-flowing and enterprising brand of football that has seen Chelsea through to the Champions League Final, and on the brink of stealing Manchester United's Premiership crown.

Blues' fans also seem to appreciate the contrast between Mourinho's flamboyant attitude and outspokeness, and Grant's dour, miserable and morose exterior, which he was able to put to good use this week at the funeral of Pat Lampard.

Of the 12,000 fans surveyed, 14% said Grant was the best manager since Mourinho, whilst all the other voting slips could be found trampled underfoot around the stadium or in the troughs at the urinals.

John Crombie, 58, a former Headhunter who hasn't been to a game since football violence was outlawed, said:

"Mr. Grant's the dog's bollox, innee? So wot if 'e looks like a walrus? Ya don't wont no poet, like that Portugeezer bloke, do ya?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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