Written by Mr Intolerant
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Topics: F1, mclaren, Ron Dennis

Wednesday, 16 April 2008

In an odd twist to the recent Max Mosley video scandal, McLaren Formula One Chairman Ron Dennis is being held by Scotland Yard and is assisting them with enquiries into a daring armed raid on a London City branch of Barlays Bank.

Witnesses claim a man wearing a Fernando Alonso racesuit and helmet entered the building and demanded money using a very bad Spanish accent. The assailant allegedly brandished a pit gun and tightened the security guards nuts before taking off with an undisclosed amount of money.

The robber was then picked up in a silver Mercedes driven by an unidentified black male, approximately 1.74 metres tall, 67kg with short hair and in his early twenties. Despite giving chase, metropolitan police were easily outpaced and will start tomorrows shift from the rear of the grid.

A legal representative of Mr Dennis has gone so far as to admit his client's guilt but has begged for understanding.

"My client, whilst making no formal admissions, has been under tremendous stress lately, his company has a fifty million pound fine due to the FIA and he has recently seen the extreme steps that the President of that organisation is willing to take to personally enforce any punishments handed down."

"He felt desperate to ensure that all monies were paid as soon as possible so that in another's words, "ze punishment must cum to ze end"."

Mr Dennis is expected to be released from custody shortly so that he may attend a meeting to hire 5 new grid girls for his team that have been talent spotted recently.

Despite the evidence against Mr Dennis, a number of highly respected British motor racing personalities including Damon Hill, Jackie Stewart and Martin Brundle have all signed a statement saying that they were with Mr Dennis at the time of the incident and that it was clearly a crime committed by a group including Jean Todt, Flavio Briatore and a German bloke with a very strong jawline.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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