"Scottish Referees are to undergo jabs of sodium penothane before games, and at half-time. This should hopefully eradicate the myth that the SFA, Masonic Lodges and the Old Bhoys network collaborated to favour the Old Firm", a FIFA spokesperson claimed.
All football club managers outside of the Big(ot) Two welcomed the moves which will see the referee (and officials) hopefully being impartial for a change.
Dundee United manager Craig Levein has backed plans, after referee Kenny Clark 'honestly didn't see' the Rangers buck toothed Carlos Cuellar lift United's Christian Kalvenes up in the penalty box as he was clear on goal, and throw him nonchalantly to the ground in the 2008 CiS Cup Final.
A Fans Spokesperson claimed it was too little, too late.
"We feel the refs have looked down on the diddy clubs for too long. This will hopefully put the boot into the money grabbing, faceless, corrupt, secretive, 'jobs for the boys', elitist, fascist cheats, which is the Scottish FA".
No-one at the SFA was available for comment, but Dennis Law, Sir Sean Connery, The Lisbon Lions, Rod Stewart, Derek Johnstone and Billy Connolly , who were all off on an official SFA Junket to South Africa, said referee's are impartial anyway.
The Prime Minister, who was unfortunately unable to join them, claimed there was "no proof of jiggery pokery".