Written by Brendon Humperdink
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Friday, 11 April 2008

image for Liverpool FC To Appear On 'Jeremy Kyle'

The feuding boardroom members and manager of Liverpool, Tom Hicks, George Gillet, Rick Parry and Rafa Benitez have all appeared on ITV's hit show 'Jeremy Kyle' to sort out their differences.

In a special edition of the show to be shown next week, the club's most important stakeholders are all seen 'having a go at each other' as Kyle likes to put it.

Under the headline, "Give me control of this club you bastard", Kyle tries to resolve the matter by shouting 'scum' and 'look what you've got yourself into'.

In the preview, Gillet and Hicks are seen coming to blows with each other as bouncers try to wrestle them off each other. Meanwhile, Parry shouts abuse at Hicks calling him 'a fat ingnorant Republican supporting twat'.

In a surprise appearance for the feuding boardmembers, the manager Rafa Benitez makes a 'special guest appearance'. In order to provoke the Americans, Benitez brings on all the trophies he has won at Liverpool. He is then seen breaking in to tears after the Americans reveal they only have £12.50 in the transfer budget and also at the fact that they revealed that they tried to replace him with Ronald McDonald after talks with Jurgen Klinsmann broke down.

"For sure, you don't know what you're doing. For sure, you want to replace me with for sure an ignorant kraut, and then you try to replace me with a paedophile, for sure."

What happens next is unbelievable. Benitez then picked up the European Cup and forcibly put it on to Hicks head to the sound of rapturous applause and explicit language.

The show goes out on Tuesday morning at 10am, with explicit language and violence - suitable programming for that time of day.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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