China is to take unprecedented military action in an attempt to protect the Olympic Torch Flame (OTF) in Tibet, by mobilising its Terracotta Army for the first time in more than 2000 years.
The 7000-strong army, made from the same kind of material as some of your kitchen cookware, will be deployed to avoid a repetition of the disgraceful scenes in both London and Paris recently, when the OTF was snuffed out.
The last time the fearsome stony-faced warriors marched in anger was around 210BC, and the Beijing government have already planned a massive offensive to ensure the safe passage of the Supreme Symbol of Olympicness when its arrives in Tibet. The flame is expected to arrive in Tibet on June 20.
The Terracotta Force will be stationed throughout the troublesome fantasy kingdom where everybody wears orange robes, and will even be positioned all the way up to the summit of Mount Everest.
Chinese Olympic officials have claimed they will even be visible from space.