The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) confirmed today that Brigham Young University (BYU) has filed a racial discrimination lawsuit against the NBA. BYU's claims allege that "the NBA was reticent in hiring proportionate percentages of Caucasians" and "intentionally denied opportunities to prospective NBA players" from the Provo, Utah university.
BYU cited that of the many hundreds of NBA-drafted players over the last 15 years only one member of the BYU teams, composed predominantly of Caucasians, was drafted.
Shawn Bradley, a 7'6" 1993 draft pick of the Dallas Mavericks, was that lone BYU draftee. "Even The Mantis", commented BYU Dean Les Smith, "was selected obviously not due to any tangible skills, but solely because of his freakish height."
The Dallas Mavericks bought out Bradley's contract prior to the 2006 season, freeing a roster spot by effectively paying the center not to play.
Taking a page from the federal government's own hiring practices playbook - wherein federal agencies award bonus points to applicants of "under-represented classes" - BYU's demands would similarly award 3 additional rebounds and 5 points per game to the statistics of each of its collegiate hoopsters.
A third condition - that BYU players be awarded 4 additional inches in their vertical jump metric at NBA workouts - was withdrawn when attorney and NBA Commissioner David Stern countered that it was "reprehensible to imply that Caucasians are innately inferior vertical jumpers" when compared to African Americans.
Initially the EEOC stated that BYU's case was "not without statistical merit." However, the NBA then presented compelling evidence in the form of a 45-minute condensed video of Shawn Bradley posterizations.
The video made a strong impact on at least one EEOC official. "We now fear that government involvement might dilute performance level. I mean, we're not exactly proud of what we've done with the Postal Service, TSA and DMV."
Present for some of the arguments was the ever-endearing NBA megastar Shaquille O'Neal. "You know, you open the door to the BYU guys and the next thing you know you have to let in all ethnicities and nations. And everybody knows that (NBA Commissioner) Stern doesn't want any more Cubans in the NBA!" quipped O'neal, whose wink cemented the suspicion that he was referring to Stern nemesis and Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban.