Grizzled Green Bay quarterback Brett Favre officially announced his retirement from the sport at a press conference a few days ago, but his speech was overshadowed by the discomfiting sight of a grown man expressing emotion and blubbering like a little girl.
"I just need a cuddle right now", sobbed Favre, as several journalists shifted uncomfortably in their seats. "I could do with some cuddle wuddles...waaaaahhhhh!" continued the once-manly Packers star as noted sports writers started to whistle and spit tobacco as only men do.
One writer named Tal Endles, relieved when the sorry spectacle had finally concluded, spoke for all present: "Can't believe I actually looked up to that guy. What a wuss!"
Rich Hack, editor of The Wisconsin Tribune, also found it rather distressing: "I can't believe that Favre had secretly been a sissy all these years. What a big girl's blouse! I'm off to work on my car and drink beer because I hear this gay stuff is contagious."
Donald Driver, Packers wide receiver, said that all the Packers had a special sending off party planned for the veteran: "After we've given him a wedgie, we're going to stuff the Nancy boy in a locker and stick his head in the toilet. I'm sick that I've been receiving 60 yard bombs from a mummy's boy all these years."
Centre Scott Wells was also disgusted: "I've been bending down in front of that guy and now I feel dirty".
"In retrospect, we're glad he's retired", said head coach Mike McCarthy. "We need a real man at quarterback not some pantie waist. This is a man's game. Now, give me the number of Richard Simmons and let's see what his arm's like."