Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 4 March 2008

image for Bjork To Be New Artistic Adviser For Beijing Olympic Games
Bjork today

Well-known Communist, Bjork, has been hailed by officials in China as a Superwoman, and will take over the Artistic Adviser post vacated recently by Steven Spielberg.

The crooner had been playing a concert to around 5 million people in Shanghai, and had excited fans at fever pitch. At the end of the gig, with the crowd screaming for an encore, she delivered her most scathing attack yet on Tibet, when she cried:

"Death to the Dali Lama! Death to Tibet!"

Members of the Chinese People's Party Against Human Rights were present, and later met with her agent to discuss her plans up until the 2008 Olympics in June. Bjork is known to be half-Chinese, one-quarter Japanese, one-eighth Icelandic and the rest made up of bits of Dutch, German, French, Swahili and Tongan.

Chinese Foreign Minister Fuk Yoo Too addressed a gathering of reporters, telling them:

"Spielberg out, Bjork in. She fit bill, welly nicery."

Fans at the concert spoke highly of the weird-sounding singer. One said:

"She's great. I could nearly understand her."

Another told reporters:

"She's very creative, and has a lot of artistic flair. She'll do a good job for the Olympics. I wouldn't want to kiss her though. She looks like a spaz."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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