Dubai - (Ballsup Mess): Unseeded Scottish twenty year-old wimp Andy Murray was revelling in his Dubai Open first round victory over world No 1 top seed Roger Federer today after the champ crumpled in helpless straight sets impotence.
"It's all over for Roger Federer," Men With Balls magazine claimed today, "Sharapova pumped him flaccid since that Australian Men's Open semi against Djokovic fiasco.
"He won't regain his prowess or his manhood until the day Maria cuts her stunning long blond tresses," the magazine editorial continued, "rewaxes her silky pubes, bathes in a tub of assess' milk and conceives the next generation of WorldPro champs."
Meanwhile at Dubai's Nad Al Sheba stadium Andy Murray was having none of it.
"Balls," he said.
"Federer's finished becaue I'm the new anointed champ.
"It was always written in the Stone of Scone.
"Whoever shall trounce the mighty Gilgamesh will be the next Henman Hill of Wimbledon and Flushing Meadows.
"Maybe now Sharapova will give me a handjob or if I'm very lucky one of those - you know - other thinggies."
Venus Williams has one fine ass.