As Tiger Woods has marched to yet another devastating victory in the world of golf (this time amid the pig farms of Marana, Arizona) geneticists at the Wrangler Institute for Gene Studies in Rodeo, Texas have announced that Tiger Woods is at least partially descended from Bengal tigers.
Dr Hoss Ropinsky of the Institute managed to lasso some of Tiger's sweat from a caddie who shall remain nameless: " We studied that perspiration like droplets from the Holy Grail and sure enough the secret of Tiger's aggressiveness and cat-like grace were revealed. Somewhere in the premier golfer's past was a real tiger!"
PGA official were slow to acknowledge the findings but as the undeniable validity of the research has emerged a movement to ban animals even partial animals from PGA sanctioned events has begun. PGA President Count "Tree" Cluub insisted: "There is no place in professional human golf for someone who wins all the time because of some animal advantage. I've been saying this about orange and black golfers for ages."