I can officially reveal that Liverpool's beanpole striker, Peter Crouch is a giraffe. The startling revelation came yesterday after he was spotted leaving a zoo supply store eating a large bag of giraffe feed.
Many commentators are questioning if the Crouch can remain on the bench for Liverpool because of passport issues. An assistant at the Home Office said that they were looking into the matter because "they don't know many English giraffes", and not many giraffes have legal passports.
Joey "Weasel" Barton, Nicky "Chipmonk" Butt and Damien "Kangaroo" Duff are now under suspicion for alleged animal like activity.