Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 22 February 2008

image for Steve McClaren To Manage Kosovo
Where's Kosovo?

Steve McClaren, the sacked England manager, is to return to football when he becomes the national coach of the world's 'newest country' Kosovo, it has been rumoured.

McClaren, who once played for Hull City, has been out of the game since England were dumped from the Euro 2008 championships after losing to Croatia last November. It has been strongly rumoured that the loss was deliberate, in order to get rid of McClaren.

Kosovo, who declared independence from Serbia last weekend, are eager to secure an experienced coach for their national side, and have been misguidedly advised that McClaren would be their man, although it's rumoured that they may have become slightly confused, and should have enlisted the services of the former Sex Pistols guru, Malcolm McLaren.

Despite being unable to speak the languages of Kosovo - Serbian and Albanian - or even knowing where the country is, McClaren is keen to take up the post, and FA chief executive Brian Barwick said he forsees no problems. Said Mr Barwick:

"He may not speak the lingo, but I don't see why that should matter. After all is said and done, he couldn't communicate with the English players either."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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