Basel, Switzerland - (Grand Slam Mess): Pope Joseph Ratzinger has told a Vatican crowd that Roger Federrer is his grandson after ex-grand slam champ Boris Becker proved DNA positive to be the Pontif's own firstborn and the subsequent father of the current world number one seed.
"The Lord has shone his favors on Roger," Ratzinger beamed before a packed St Peter's Square congregation, "and will continue to bestow his blessings upon him until he's won at least 20 grand slams, earned $250 million dollars and fathered the next generation of tennis champions."
The news came as no surprise to the World Tennis Match Throwing Organization which hastily issued a statement saying "Balls!"
Meanwhile iconic celebrity tennis magazine Men With Balls! has endorsed Federer as the the sport's reigning Holy Roman Emperor in a ten year deal that will attribute all manner of Hawkeye high-tech on-court miracles to the 26 year old Swiss.
"We're cut the odds of a Federer win on the French Open at Stade Roland Garros to 6/4fav," a spokesman at internet spreadbetting index Aintgottaprayer.Con said today.
Maria Sharapova thinks she may have missed a period....