Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 13 February 2008

image for Beijing Olympic Committee hits back: WE banned Spielberg first
"Nobody want to see belly-flopping fararse filmguy making fool of himself in front of five billion tv viewers"

Beijing - (Mud-slinging Mess): Angry Chinese Olympic Games chiefs hit back today at reports that US movie maker Steven Spielberg, 69, is boycotting this year's Beijing Games.

"Steven Spielberg was banned from the 2008 Beijing Games last year for being geriatric bad-ass sport.

"Olympic Committee Organisers felt he was too old, fat, unfit and useless to take part in Olympiad.

"Spielberg was officially banned from taking part in all athletics (field and track), especially 60m sprint and 60m hurdles, high jump, pole vault, long jump, triple jump, and shot put; standing long jump and standing high jump; pentahlon, heptathlon and decathlon.

"Decision is final."

In addition the Chinese have warned Speilberg is banned from throwing events like Shot put, Hammer throw, Javelin throw and Discus throw and all jumping events like High jump, Pole vault, Long jump and Triple jump.

In fact, Spielberg is now forbidden to participate in any of the following sports at the Beijing Olympics:

Diving, Swimming, Synchronized swimming and Water polo; Archery, Badminton, Baseball, Basketball, Flatwater canoe/kayak, Slalom canoe/kayak; BMX Mountain Biking, Road cycling, Track cycling; all Equestrian events; Fencing, Field hockey and Football (soccer).

On the gymnatics side, he has been banned from all Artistic, Rhythmic and Trampoline events, because, "Nobody want to see belly-flopping fararse filmguy making fool of himself in front of five billion tv viewers."

Other sports where Spielberg cannot compete in Beijing 2008 are Handball, Judo, Rowing, Sailing, Shooting, Softball, Tabletennis, Taekwondo and Triathlon; Tennis - and not forgetting Beach and indoor volleyball, Weightlifting, Wrestling, Bobsleigh, Curling, Ice Hockey, Luge, Figure skating, Short track speed skating, Speed skating, Alpine Skiing, Cross country skiing, Freestyle skiing, Nordic combined, Ski jumping and snowboarding.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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