Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 8 February 2008

image for WalMart in $25 million life-size nude Maria Sharapova blow-up rubber doll deal
La Sharapova "comes with all the bells & whistles you could ever want"

Off the Wall Street - (Cute Russian Ass & Tits Mess): The City was in buoyant mood today following the announcement that WalMart Holdings has successfully negotiated a $25 million deal to the exclusive marketing rights of a life-size nude Maria Sharapova blow-up rubber doll.

The Blonde Russian tennis star is believed to have signed a three year deal that will see her image soar beyond the rubber doll fame achieved by the likes of Vanessa Hudgens and Paris Hilton.

"She comes with all the bells and whistles you could ever want," WalMart Holdings' PR said today.

"Her erogenous zones are all touch-sensitive and produce the kind of 75 decibel grunts and groans that are her on-court and off-piste signature response to pleasure," the PR source continued.

"We will be marketing the Super Deluze Sharapova Doll at $5,000 complete with black rubber bondage outfit, snakeskin thong, brassiere and matching thigh-high boots.

"Additional accessories include the Watersports Sharapova remote control who is electronically programmed to piss all over those lucky watersports wannabes at the touch of a button.

"Or if specialised S&M is your thing the Super Deluxe Plus version comes with a serrated vaginal lining that will clamp onto a male organ with all the strength of a fully-grown adult femal boa constrictor.

"All our range comes with a Chanel Court No 5 Eau de Parfum scent and warms up to body temperature within sixty nine seconds.

"A number of customised options are also available for discerning clients looking for personalised tattoos, nipple and outer labial piercings, different hair lengths and pubic colors."

The launch date will be 14 February St Valentine's Day.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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