The NBA's Miami Heat announce a blockbuster trade that will send Shaquille O'Neal away from the sunny Florida shores. The all pro center is a 14 year veteran and has been with the team since coming from the L.A. Lakers.
In a surprise move, the New York Knicks sent all of their players, plus all of their draft choices for the next two years, to the Heat for Shaq. Knicks management said, "face it, our team sucks. No one can play worth a damn. Why do we want to keep these losers? We'd probably draft stupid anyway, so why do we want to waste that money too?"
When asked what they planned to do for the rest of a team, or how they planned to build a team around Shaq, a team spokesman said "there's lots of street ball players that would love a chance to play in the NBA. We'll just go from park to park and sign the best to ten day contracts."
"We are not selling any tickets now for people to see our losers. If we bring in local players, all their family and friends are going to want to come and see them play. At least that will put some butts in the seats!"
"While a lot of these guys may have criminal records and bad backgrounds, be convicted rapists or murderers, abandon their kids, or do drugs...how is that different than the rest of the league now?"