Lesley Vainikolo, the Tongan born England rugby union debutant, says he now wants to play for Italy.
"I think I've had a great career for England, eh?" The modest 25 stone winger proclaimed. "But during the second half of it, England were obviously crap eh bro, and who wants to play for a country that plays so badly, eh?"
The 27 stone superstar announced,"I'm going to play for Italy. I've always loved pasta so I kinda feel Italian already and I went there last year on holiday eh." After 33.333 recurring rugby league games for New Zealand, the likeable 30 stoner said that Italy may not be the last country he plays for, "My grandfather was one part Japanese, two parts Irish, three parts Brazilian and another floating part so I hope to play for those countries too one day."
When pushed on the identity of the remaining country he replied bruskly, "Listen, I take representing my country very seriously eh bro." And with that, squeezed his 35 stone frame into a brand new red Cadillac and drove off.