Written by Bill Skywalker
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Topics: Wayne Rooney

Friday, 1 February 2008

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Roo-ney

The England and Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney has been arrested by Manchester Police for curb crawling outside a 'Gala Bingo' branch on the outskirts of the City.

D.I Scumbuster said they arrested Rooney, 22, at 8pm on Thursday night for the alleged praying of 'elderly and vulnerable women'. They also suspected that he was intending to take the old women back to his house for 'a good time'.

Rooney's agent commented that although their is little chance of him succeeding in court due to his past reputation, he will stand by 'his mate, Pumpkin Head,' through this 'difficult period.'

After hearing the news Fabio Capello, the new England manager, removed the striker from his squad and followed it up with an extraordinary outburst. During the press conference Capello was quoted as saying: 'The sick f*ck! THAT should stay away from my wife! She's 61 you know!'

Rooney is expected to appear before magistrates on Monday morning but he has informed his agent that he will still continue to record his new DVD 'Grannies Do The Filthiest
Things' due for release next months. He intends to put all proceeds to the charity 'Help the Aged'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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