Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 1 February 2008

image for Beckham In Tears Over Capello Snub
99 caps. It's a crying shame

David Beckham, the greatest English footballer never to play 100 times for his country, was last night "in tears" and "beside himself with grief" over his non-selection for next week's friendly international with Switzerland at Wembley.

Beckham, according to friends, was "inconsolable", and cried like a baby until someone rocked him to sleep whilst singing a lullaby. He woke twice in the early hours, but was described as "stable" this morning.

England manager Fabio Capello defended his decision not to include Beckham in the squad by saying through an interpreter:

"He's not good enough, not fit enough, and I couldn't stand him during my time at Madrid."

The former England captain was famously dropped by previous England boss Steve McClaren, but had regained his place due to a distinct lack of decent players in the national team set-up.

Currently stuck on 99 caps, Beckham has been training with Arsenal in a bid to maintain his fitness, but this hasn't impressed Capello or Trevor Brooking, the FA's Director Of Football Development and part-time Barrow Boy.

Said Brooking:

"Wotsit. David has got to...wotsit...he's got to...er, kind of, like er, wotsit, thingummyjig...erm, aw, I don't know, show Fabio that erm...he's got what it takes t'be...an England... erm...footballer again, wotsit."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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