At the Australian Open tennis championship, we witnessed the dawn of a new era-the era of the silent letter powerhouses, at least according to Roger Federer, or Roger Dfederer, as he now likes to be known.
"Rafa (Nadal) and I were discussing this after we were both crushed in the semi's by Tsonga and Djokovic respectively", began Dfederer. "We couldn't find a single reason why those two jokers beat us, but then it hit home-both those kids have one thing in common-the presence of an awkward, silent and/or completely unnecessary letter in their name; that's when Rafa and I realised that there was only one way to continue our dominance; that's why he's now known as Rafa Tnadal and I as Roger Dfederer".
Others have been quick to follow suit, with Andy Murray now known as Randy Murray, James Blake as James Blcake and Roddick as Roddlick.
Murray, who crashed in round one of the Aussie Open, was particularly pleased: "I feel the silent 'R' was the way ta go fer me because I'm a randy bugger who likes big-breasted bimbos oiled with chocolate syrup. Also, I didn't want to run into Youzhny, Gasquet, Monfils or Berdych at a tournament and have them start wi' an unfair advantage."
Andy Roddlick says his chances of grabbing another major have seriously improved with the introduction of a new letter: "When you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Look at past winners-LLEYTON Hewitt, right? There's like an 'L' there which is totally self-indulgent and the guy won two grand slams! And I'm sure there's more. Wait, Lendl!? No, no, that doesn't really work. But it still makes perfect sense. I'm a contender again, baby! Yeah!"
Every player bar one on the main tour has now adopted a silent, latent letter in their moniker. The exception?
"Guillermo Coria", explained an ATP official yesterday. "He knows that, stupid silent letter or not, he's gonna be losing for a considerable time to come".