Written by Jalapenoman
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Monday, 28 January 2008

image for New York Giants Hire Jessica Simpson to Date Tom Brady
Secret weapon of the New York Giants

The New York Giants will meet the undefeated New England Patriots on February 3rd in the Super Bowl, the championship of NFL Football. The Giants are a huge underdog, having barely made the playoffs as a wild card team. They do, however, have a secret weapon: blonde bombshell Jessica Simpson.

Said Assistant General Manager Bubba Hakes, "when the Cowboys played against the Eagles, their quarterback (Tony Romo) was dating the Simpson girl. She was in the stands in a pink Cowboy jersey. Dallas lost."

A few weeks later, she took him to Mexico a few nights before a playoff game and wore him out! Dallas lost. Except for a couple of drives, the offense wasn't even there."

"We've hired Jessica to flirt with Tom Brady. You all know his reputation as a ladies man who likes to get models and actresses as girlfriends."

"After Jessica takes him to one of those Arizona resorts before the big game, he'll be too pooped to throw anything even close to his receivers. It'll even make Eli Manning look good!"

When asked if this was not prostitution, Hakes denied it. "We ain't paying her to sleep with him. We're just paying her to go out with him. We know Tom's reputation. He got an actress and a model pregnant within a week of each other. Put him in a resort hotel at poolside with Jessica in a bikini and he's not going to be able to resist."

"Jessica is also blonde, so I think that says enough by itself."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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